Are you taking care of YOU?

I've been noticing a disturbing trend with my women friends (I'm not sure it's really a trend, it may be an epidemic!)

Here's what I'm seeing....why is it that when we feel overwhelmed, the first thing we sacrifice is our own self care, oftentimes while rushing into the so-called "care and support" of others? We put ourselves last over and over again. When you really sit down to think about it, this doesn't make sense...how are we supposed to support others adequately when we're not supporting ourselves? And, why is it not okay to take time out for a phone call with a friend, a bubble bath, our favorite tv show or just paging through our favorite magazine?

It also occurs to me that sometimes this happens because we're out of our business. Byron Katie describes this wonderfully on her blog:

Notice when you hurt that you are mentally out of your business.

If you're not sure, stop and ask, "Mentally, whose business am I in?"

There are only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God's.

Whose business is it if an earthquake happens? God's business.

Whose business is it if your neighbor down the street has an ugly lawn? Your neighbor's business.

Whose business is it if you are angry at your neighbor down the street because he has an ugly lawn? Your business.

Life is simple—it is internal.

Count, in five minute intervals, how many times you are in someone else's business mentally. Notice when you give uninvited advice or offer your opinion about something (aloud or silently).

Ask yourself: "Am I in their business? Did they ask me for my advice?" And more importantly, "Can I take the advice I am offering and apply it to my life?"

Being out of our own business is exhausting...if you're exhausted, re-read the above (and I'm typing this as much for me as I am for you.) I'm reminding myself (and you) to be aware, really aware of whether or not you're truly being asked for help/support. Oftentimes (at least in my own life), I've jumped in without being asked and I end up in someone else's business leaving myself abandoned, which leads to resentment, expectation and ultimately exhaustion and frustration. And, the other part of this is that asking truly is asking...it's not hearing someone talk about what's happening in their life and assuming they want help. That is NOT being asked. And, there's nothing wrong with asking them if they need or want your help and then respecting their answer.

Ultimately I realize we're all busy...partners, family, careers and on and on, and in the end who do you really end up with? That would be YOU. You're all you've got, so don't you think it's worth taking a few minutes out of your day to support that most important person of all people? And, if you needed support and help wouldn't you want to call on someone who knows the value of self care?

SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TODAY TO TAKE CARE OF YOU?

P.S. Great ways to take care are Reiki, The Work of Byron Katie and ibreathelife Petal Breath Kits!

The Freedom of the Breath

Okay, I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record about this breathwork, but what can I say? It just gets better and better. I'm on my third kit (Petal Breaths are the their real names), which is Serenity and designed to awaken conviction and dissolve what ifs (you know those questions that circle around in your head and can basically make you nuts?!?!) and it also focuses on forgiveness.

Here's what I'm noticing ...my little sweetheart wiener dog Rex recently started having some bladder control issues and an abnormal urinalysis. The vet suggested another test and said that it could be a kidney issue, which normally would have started me big time down a path of what ifs and a flurry of internet research, the result being that I would scare myself senseless with projection. In this case, I noticed that my reaction was a "wait and see attitude" and a trusting that the universe, as Byron Katie says, is benevolent. This, too me, seems to be a much kinder way to live...with trust and surrender. It's also much less exhausting than going crazy in my mind with the possibilities. And, I absolutely attribute this change to the breathing...particularly because I am acting/thinking counter to how I've been my whole life. What a freedom to live this way.

P.S. The vet just called and the second test was perfect...no kidney issues. There's still something going on with the little guy because he's unable to hold it in the house while I'm gone but at least we know the kidneys are fine. And, again, I realize that grace is all around me and the universe truly is kind.

Book Recommendations

Today, I thought I'd share some book recommendations just for the heck of it. Of course, Byron Katie's books go without saying. And, I would be remiss not to hardily push Cheryl Richardson's book, "A Touch of Unmistakable Grace"...that book should come with a disclaimer that reads something like: Warning! If you REALLY start looking for Grace in your life, your whole world can change (and fast!!). My husband said he's going to read it next and told him, "buckle your seatbelt, it might be quite a ride."

Another book that I recently read and enjoyed was "Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow" by Elizabeth Lesser. A very powerful testament to why it can be so healing to embrace the painful times rather than run from them.

I think that's all the recommendations I'm going to give for now...oops, hold on, I did just finish Genie O'Malleys book, "Complete Earthly Woman." It's no longer in print but you can find used copies on Amazon and other places. She does a nice job of sharing her transformation from a woman abused from age 3 to a woman realized by age 26. I'm still amazed that she's basically in my own backyard and that I'm friends with her. Life is just too cool.

Until next time...

Breathing easy...

I've been doing Genie O'Malley's amazing breathework technique now for the last 11 days and am blown away by how I feel. I'm breathing "Grace" for inner knowing and it wasn't until yesterday that I even looked at the description for this particular set.

It says: "Breathe to awaken confidence, connection and expression within the interpretation and action of wisdom. Allow your intuition to come alive and celebrate all that you are ."

I have to say that is how I've been feeling...extremely confident (which has not always been the case in my life!), more connected to my innerself and voice, grounded and filled with gratitude. Simply amazing and it only takes 10-15 minutes a day! What is going on here? I don't care, whatever is happening, it works.

I'm so excited about this that I joined Genie's company, I Breathe Life, which is set up so I can receive my breathing kits monthly, support a women in prison and share this with other women who wish to find their internal empowerment through breath. As I said to a friend of mine, "how much better can it get? I would spend my money on this anyway and now I can also be of service!"

One more thing....how perfect is it that the very first person to get a kit from me is my friend Grace!

Life is good and filled with grace.

Would you change?....

This song asks some very valid questions about life....

Change by Tracy Chapman
If you knew that you would die today,
Saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that love can break your heart
When you're down so low you cannot fall
Would you change?
Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?

If you knew that you would be alone,
Knowing right, being wrong,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings up pain that can't be soothed
Would you change?
Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?

Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows are you so sure you won't be crawling?
If not for the good, why risk falling?
Why risk falling?

If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you'd broken every rule and vow,
And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you saw the face of God and love
If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change?
Would you change?

A Truly Amazing Tuesday

I started reading a book Cheryl Richardson’s book, “An Unmistakable Touch of Grace” at lunch today. She was talking about noticing all the acts of grace happening around us all the time (as Byron Katie says: the universe is friendly and if we pay attention, we'll see that that is indeed true). She suggested writing this statement down and repeating it out loud:

"I am now open and receptive to the power of grace in my life. I ask to be shown clear examples of how this energy is operating in my life now."

So, I did and took my scrap of paper to back to work with me and repeated it a couple of more times throughout the day. I also started paying attention; watching for "grace" to show up. The book suggested that I might see the word on a bumper sticker or something.

When I came home from work there was phone call from a new friend of mine inviting me to go to meet a woman named Genie O'Malley, who runs something called a "Breathnazium" near where I live. My first thought was I don't need to add another "technique" to my collection and I was actually feeling tired and almost said no, but something inside me, said “just go.” The meeting started at 8 p.m. (I'm usually in bed by 9, so this was a commitment for me on a work night.).

So, I meet Genie, who is this remarkable woman from Australia. She proceeds to tell us (the 9 or so women who were there) the most incredible story of her life and I immediately started to see the comparisons to her story and Byron Katie's story and also that she's sounding very, very familiar to me.

The short version is that she suffered a lifetime of sexual, emotional and physical abuse starting at age 3; she was depressed, suicidal, addicted and then diagnosed with ovarian cancer at age 27. The day of her diagnosis she went to a cafe where a man beckoned her over and told her she wasn't going to die; she was here to help women and she would write a book. She was so freaked out she ran into the bathroom and then got mad and came out to give him a piece of her mind and he was gone.

She then became very sick from her cancer. One day a friend showed up at her door and Genie told her she needed to live in the forest, which to her, was very weird because in her words, she was NOT a "foresty" person. Her friend took her to the rainforest and dropped her off for 4 days. She said she sat in the tent and cried for those 4 days, her friend came back and she said she wasn't ready to leave. She ended up staying there for 9 months, crying almost continually. About 6 weeks into her stay, she heard a voice say to her that healing was as easy as breathing and she took what she termed a "funky" breath. She continued to do the breath for the rest of her stay. When she left the rainforest her cancer was gone as well as her addictions. She started doing the breathwork with troubled children, then troubled teens, then couples and now women. Her passion is women in need...battered, homeless, in prison, etc. She's running a very successful breath group at a women's correctional facility here.

There's lot's more to the story but suffice to say, but from my point of view, this woman gets it (she talked about our pure essence knowing that this is not a floor or a wall or a light...which is basically what I’ve learned from Byron Katie and doing The Work.)

Then we breathed together and I became filled with the color orange (I've never had this happen during anything else I've done). During the breathing, Genie came to me and rubbed my back. At the end, she asked how we felt and I said, "Orange." She said, "Orange? That's interesting because I whispered the word forgiveness to you and the color for that is orange." I just sat there thinking: weird.

So then she shows us these CD kits she's put together so you can do the breath at home (they were beautifully done...one for each color of the rainbow and it involves inner work in the form of short guided journaling). As she's explaining how it works, I'm listening and not listening (it's now past 10 p.m. and I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed) . Suddenly I tuned in and really looked at what she was showing us... the particular kit she was demonstrating was "Grace". I couldn't believe it and of course, that one came home with me.

Since then I've been doing the exercises (they take about 10 min. a day) and experiencing a wonderful feeling of integration (particularly with The Work) and also an overwhelming amount of gratitude for my amazing life and everyone and everything in it.

A visit to Lily Dale...

It's been an interesting couple of weeks. We recently returned from a visit to Lily Dale, NY, home of Spiritualism in the United States. Spiritualists believe they can communicate with those who have passed on. I believe they can, too, particularly since I myself have been visited by a few friendly spirits when doing Reiki. The mediums (mediums communicate with those who have passed and are also psychic...not all psychics are mediums) of Lily Dale are certified and cannot use tarot cards, etc. to help them with their readings. I've read that some of them have accuracy ratings as high as 95%. All I can tell you is that they convinced me...and what they do just comes back to my earlier posting about tapping into the energy matrix that connects us all...it's all about vibration, energy and love.

We were also fortunate enough to see Candace Pert (her last presentation, it turns out as she finally go the funding she needs to return to the lab and continue her work with her AIDs drug/vaccine). I found her to be accessible, humorous, brilliant, kooky and amazing. Her presentation along with her husband Michael Ruff, was very, very interesting and once again verified what I "thought" I knew. One thing she said that I just loved is:

"We're all hardwired for bliss."

Do you get that? We're chemically programmed to be happy in our very cells! Isn't that amazing? And, what stops that? Our thinking....our belief systems. Which of course is where The Work of Byron Katie comes in so beautifully.

Seeing Life through Fear-Colored Glasses

Do you ever stop to think just how often you are viewing life through "fear-colored" glasses?

And, how sometimes we even forget that we have them on? If you stop and think about it, have you ever taken them off? And, a few more questions...who put them on in the first place? And why? And when?

And do we still need them to SEE?

Today I'm going to try and notice when I'm seeing through my "fear-colored" glasses. I'm going to notice when my "vision" is cloudy by noticing how I feel inside (anxiety, fear, projection).
I'm going to pause and remind myself that this particular prescription is no longer needed and I can SEE clearly without them.

Your cloak

We put on a fake cloak
because we think that's what's needed.
What we really want
is you.
Take off your emotional clothes
and be naked.
It's scary.
But this is where
safety lies.
The core place.
If we can sing, dance, paint
(live)
from that place,
we cannot go wrong.
Got that?

-Barbara Cook, Broadway vocalist

Thoughts on The Work of Byron Katie

You know, I just don't think there's anything that happens that can't be effectively managed if you apply The Work of Byron Katie. I wish I would have known about this a lot earlier in my life. And, then again, as Katie says, "nothing happens before it's time."

So what is The Work of Bryon Katie? Nothing more (or less) than four simple questions and a turnaround. You take any stressful thought that you might have (you know what they are) and apply these four questions to them.

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react when you think the thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

On the surface, these questions appear quite benign and they are. It's up to you to take them to a deeper level (if you want peace and freedom, that is). To effectively do The Work you need to sit with each question and let it go deep and really find your true answers. You might just be amazed at what you'll discover.

Then after you go through those you take the initial stressful thought and turn it around. For example, if the thought is something like, "Tom shouldn't be such a pushy, know-it-all." That would turn around to "Tom should be a pushy, know-it-all." (Katie would say...what's the reality? He is until he isn't and actually it's his business...your business is how you react to his pushiness and know-it-all-ish).

Another turnaround would be: I shouldn't be such a pushy, know-it-all. And, then you look for at least three specific ways that it's true that you are indeed a pushy, know-it-all.

Finally you can turn it around to your thinking, such as: My thinking is a pushy, know-it-all.
Whoa! I can really find where that one is true (probably way more than three times...just thinking of all those times I "should" myself!)

That it's in a nutshell. Give it a try...go in for the love of truth and the resulting peace and freedom that comes with that.

If you get hung up (which can happen when we'd rather be right than be happy), check out my website www.theworkwithkim.com for information or go to Katie's website at www.thework.com where you can watch Katie do The Work with people.

Here's to your freedom!

We are all one...

I've just started reading an interesting book..."Extraordinary knowing : science, skepticism, and the inexplicable powers of the human mind" by Elizabeth Lloyd Mayer. This book (and I'm only at the very beginning) lines up with what I think I know...that we are all connected and as such, we are able to pick up on information from others that isn't necessarily shared directly.

This lines up with what happens when I do a Reiki session with someone. I pick up things that they don't share with me. Some people would say I'm psychic and who knows? It's a label. Others call it creepy and it just doesn't feel that way to me, it feels natural and loving to be able to lay my hands on someone and know what's going on with them. It reinforces what Byron Katie says about "no new stressful thoughts" they are the same the world over.

It's like where do I end and you begin? Are there really any boundaries or do they only come from the ego mind?